


Day Six: Vacillations

by Demia



Series: JadeRose Week [6]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ashen Romance | Auspisticism, F/F, Flushed Romance | Matespritship, Mentioned Roxy/Jane/Rose (Austipticism), No Incest, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Quadrant Vacillation, Trollified
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 04:51:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7744048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demia/pseuds/Demia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rhosae thinks she has felt all kinds of emotions for Jadyhe by now. Hatred and pity and concupiscient and conciliatory.<br/>Rhosae also thinks quadrants are difficult.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Day Six: Vacillations

**Author's Note:**

> Formatting this thing was the worst time of my life. I hate pesterlogs.

## 

Day 6: Species swap / Post Scratch

### Vacillations

“Rhosae,” your name is sweet on her lips. The little tremble in her voice is water and you're thirsty.  
You've been thirsty since Rouxay has banned you from going back home.  
Silly cerise blood and her silly rules. 

“Jadyhe,” you greet her back, a nod of your head, the smallest you can give without coming across as condescending.  
You don't have the slightest idea where you stand with her as of right now. 

It's been a while since you've seen her last, and it has not exactly been the sweetest of goodbyes, the one you shared then.  
But then, there is no Kismessitude that ends well, as far as you know, and you know a lot. You would almost go as far as to say that you know everything.

“It's been a while, hasn't it?” she says, giggling a little. She still refuses to paint her lips the right color. She would look so pretty with make-up, you think. 

You ponder about telling her as much, weighting the pros, the cons, the unknown – which is null, since you know everything or close.

You decide to keep your mouth shut about this.  
You've had your fair share of fights about this. The amounts of said fights could have lasted you for three of your lifespans. 

“You've gotten taller. Noticeably so,” you tell her, not exactly ignoring her question, not exactly responding either.  
This little quirk of yours is what made her wax pitch for you, a long time ago. Or so she told you.

Has it been three sweeps, yet? You think so, but you also think that you've spent so much time on your writings that you've probably lost count on how many perigees have gone by. 

Jadyhe chuckles and nods, an adorable blush spreading on her cheeks. You've missed her peridot hue, her warmer blood. 

She is not rust, no, but she's not even close to your shade of lavender, nor will she ever be.  
And maybe, you try to rationalize with yourself, maybe this is the problem. The reason why you have had so many difficulties in keeping a steady relationship with her.  
“Yeah,” she says, a hand caressing the mess of hair on the back of her head, her big, curvy horns a stark, bright orange in the fastidiously imposing luminescence of the room. “You're still so… Short. And small. You look like a child, Rhosae, no offense.”

“None taken,” you reassure her, waving a hand in the hair.  
She eyes your gills. It was always your gills that gave away your irritation, their trembling and wriggling and over-all not behaving as they should have. 

Your gills are still, fanned open to bathe in the soft breeze. 

You've lost every black interest you've ever had in her.  
You don't even understand how you could have hated such a lovely person in the first place, but, oh well, teenage hormones are a thing – as your dear friend Dahvee would say – that happens to everyone and keeps happening to everyone and it will never stop happening ever. 

Teenage hormones are also a bitch. And this is not something that your dear friend Dahvee would say, no. This is something you would say.  
Dahvee, as a vermillion blooded lucky bastard, doesn't have to suffer the hormonal mess that is teenagehood anymore. No, he is far past that ugly spot in his life, and here you are, still living with the brain of an eight-sweep-old despite the fact that you'll be twelve in half a perigee. 

“So, what do you do these days, Rho?” Jadyhe asks you, and she steps forward, a hand almost raises from her side to caress your shoulder. You already know she won't touch you this time, nor the next, nor the next either. 

She will not touch you again for a very long time.  
Your wriggling day will pass, and then hers, and you will exchange condolences and blessings of survival, and you will see each other, sometimes, but not often. 

And she will not touch you for another two sweeps. At the very least.  
You have yet to focus enough to see clearly, when it comes to such far away times. 

“Looking for a hive, actually. Do you happen to have one on your hands?” 

“Oh, right!” she exclaims, her peridot-tinted eyes widening, and then she pipes down, a balloon poked with a needle. “Rouxay banned you, I've heard. I'm so sorry, Rho, you didn't deserve that.”

You stare directly into her irises, and you see the blush expanding on her cheeks. 

“Oh God, no, no. I wasn't pitying you, I swear!” she yells, placing her hands in front of her body as if to protect herself. “Rhosae, I promise, I would never be so forward with my advances! Not that there are any advances to be made. Not at all. I– You know me, I wouldn't be so shameless.” She looks a you in desperation, green to the tip of her ears, and it's possible that the one feeling pity is actually you, but you're not going to tell her anything of the kind.

After your break-up, three long sweeps ago, confessing your lingering flushed crush for her would be the least appropriate thing to do.  
Thank the Horrorterrors that time has helped in toning down her pitch black hatred for you, or this would be a much more awkward, bi-colored reunion.

~*~

You are seven sweeps and a half old.  
You just entered a Kismessitude with the most infuriating piece of shit on the entire planet.  
You wish you could talk to your moirail about it, but you're currently otherwise occupied. 

Rouxay claws at your neck, at your shirt. She tears the fabric apart with her painted nails.  
Normal yellow nails are too basic for her, she needs to flaunt her cerise blood every possible chance she has, and you loathe her for it. 

Your hatred for her is so pitch and so deep that you wonder how it is possible that you only just now entered a Kismessitude.  
You should have been tearing yourself apart a long time ago. 

“You're not paying attention, you piece of shit!” she screeches at you, her breath is foul with the poison she keeps ingesting, and you punch her in the stomach, kissing her harder. 

“Yes I am, tyrian bitch,” you hiss in her mouth, biting her lips until cerise blood – the same she keeps flaunting, the same she is so fucking proud of – spills from her gray skin.

As you start removing her dress – without a shred of care for the rich silks of it, because fuck her and her pricey clothes – your Husktopband informs you that someone has started trolling you. 

gorgeousGardener [GG] began trolling  tediouslyTyrannical [TT] at 19:13

GG: rhosae!!! hi!!!  


TT: Hello, Harley.  


TT: May I ask what suggested to you that you write me? I'm fairly busy.  


GG: just wanted to know if you feel like hanging out with me?? you know, sometimes??  


GG: i have not seen you in a while, rhosae :'(  


TT: I see. Well, as I have already made clear, I am momentarily busy. Perhaps another day, Harley.  


GG: :'''(  


TT: Yes, your tears fill me with a terrible sense of guilt. It is breaking my heart in two pieces.  


GG: !!! stop being sarcastic :|  


TT: Apologies.  


GG: i know that youre busy, sea-dwellers are always busy with something, but i'm your moirail!!! :| you should find time to spend with me…  


TT: I will find time to spend with you when I have the time to focus on the time I have.  


TT: It may have escaped your attention, but I have a very demanding kismesis living next to me and she demands my complete attention. I am truly sorry, Jadyhe.  


GG: :(  


TT: Could you please stop with the sad emotes?  


GG: :((  


TT: As you wish, then. Talk to you another time. Now I am busy.  


GG: <>

tediouslyTyrannical [TT] ceased trolling  gorgeousGardener [GG] at 20:26

  


*

You are seven sweeps and three quarters old.  
Soon, you will be eight.  
You can't wait for your wriggling day, truly. An entire day you can spend lamenting your life and its various, dismal, facets. 

You open Trollian, searching for your moirail handle. Perhaps, you think, she will be able to pull you out of the sadness you've fallen into. 

tediouslyTyrannical [TT] began trolling  gorgeousGardener [GG] at 22:26

TT: Jadyhe. Do you feel like talking? Are you busy?  


GG: no…  


TT: No, you're not busy or No, you don't feel like talking to me?  


GG: i dont know  


TT: Oh…  


GG: you have been a shitty moirail since you started going out with TG.  


GG: you dont even reciprocate my <> anymore :(  


TT: I  


TT: I suppose I have been a pretty shitty moirail to you.  


TT: I am terribly sorry.  


TT: But now my Kismessitude with Rouxay is over. We broke up. It was not healthy for anyone involved. Thanks the Horrorterrors, Jaaney was willing to be our auspistice.  


GG: …  


TT: We were about to kill each other just the other day. I should have contacted you sooner about this, I realize. I'm sorry. Is there any way I could make it up to you?  


GG: …  


TT: Jadyhe?  


GG: i dont think so…  


GG: i think we are over :(  


GG: </>

gorgeousGardener [GG] ceased trolling  tediouslyTyrannical [TT] at 22:51

TT: Wait.  


TT: Please, Jadyhe, I still need you.  


TT: Please.  


TT: <>

gorgeousGardener [GG] blocked  tediouslyTyrannical [TT]

*

You're finally eight sweeps old.  
You've spent your wriggling day in tears.  
Thankfully, the water helped in taking them away before anyone could see them.  
You don't think you would have survived the humiliation of someone witnessing such a moment of weakness. 

Not even Whalemom has been allowed to see you. 

“You're pitiful,” Rouxay tells you.  
She doesn't care about boundaries, this much has been clear to you since the first time you've met her. 

But now she is not welcome in your personal bubble anymore. 

“I have no red interest in you, please go away,” you tell her.  
Your gills are flaring all around your face, sparkling lavender lights, making your room look like a 12th Perigee's Eve decoration. 

“I'm not waxing red for you, fuckass!” She swims closer to your spot on the couch.  
She is getting more and more gorgeous as the days pass, and you miss her. 

Of course you miss her.  
She was the perfect kismesis, even if your relationship was all but healthy. 

“'m just saying, you look pathetic. Why aren't you with you moirail?”

“She is not my moirail anymore. She broke up with me.” You sigh, loudly.  
Whalemom answers your laments of pain with a low whistle, and you kindly ignore her. 

Rouxay laughs so much at your confession that there are cerise tears in her eyes and she's holding her sides.  
In stitches, damn her and her stupid laugh. 

You can't help but feel a little black for her every time you see her or troll her.  
She's an insufferable bitch and you still hate her, even if a lot more platonically now.  
Jaaney would have your head if you fucked up her ashen quadrant.  
She had been wanting to be an auspistice forever, as far as you know.

~*~

“I know you were not, relax Harley,” you know that your voice sounds too suave, too fond.  
You can't really help it, and if she questions you about it, you will simply say that she has imagined it.  
No big deal. 

“Rhosae,” she starts, biting her lower lip until it becomes raw and plump and peridot green with subcutaneous blood. 

“Yes?”

“Would you like to… Um… Would you like to hang out with me, sometimes? As friends.”

“No,” you tell her, softly, smiling a small smile. She looks hurt, as you knew she would.  
But you take a deep breath and remind yourself that she will understand. “I don't think it's supposed to go like this, Jadyhe. I'm sorry.”

~*~

Rouxay starts being less and less irritating as the days pass by. 

You don't know how to explain it.  
She starts coming by your hive more often, and she's always drunk.  
In the beginning, it pisses you off like nothing else, and, weren't for your fondness for Jaaney, you would have tried to fuck her senseless and almost to death, because she was so fucking hate-able, and you were in a very bad mood and some pitch action was something you missed and something you were fairly sure would help you get out of the funk you had gotten yourself into. 

But. As the days pass, you start to realize that she's pitiful too.  
There are deep, dark pink circles under her eyes, bruise-like and awful.  
Her breath smells like vomit and her skin like tears and sea-water. 

She's pitiful like no one else you've ever seen.

Jadyhe Harley was half as pitiful and she had caught your pale interests.  
It's obvious and fairly expected, too, when you realize that you're waxing pale for your former kismesis.

It is a little less obvious that your former moirail starts grating on your nerves. 

*

gorgeousGardener [GG] began trolling  tediouslyTyrannical [TT] at 12:13

GG: i have no idea if you are awake at this unholy hour of the day, but!!!  


GG: just piping in to tell you that i have found a perfect moirail :B  


GG: one that doesn't ignore me whenever his other quadrant-mates are nearby!!!  


TT: I am awake.  


GG: good!!!!!! read and learn, Lalond!!!  


TT: I will have you know, I also found myself a perfectly good moirail. One that doesn't start munching my bulge every time I stop paying attention to her for a moment.  


TT: I really hope for your sake that your new palemate is as clingy as you are, or you will find yourself alone very soon.  


GG: OH MY GOD!!!!!!! I broke up with YOU!!!!  


GG: and your new moirail will break up with you too soon if you dont start being a good palemate!!!!!  


TT: I don't think so. She is really fond of me. It's true love.  


GG: yeah??? well then fuck you and fuck her too.  


GG: you are so irritating!!! i cannot believe i was your rail :|  


TT: Oh, I have missed your emotes so much, Harley.  


TT: That was sarcasm, by the way.  


TT: In case you were too stupid to realize.  


GG: you are the stupid one!!!!  


GG: oh no! sorry, you are not stupid  


GG: just fake smart :B 

gorgeousGardener [GG] blocked  tediouslyTyrannical [TT]

TT: <3<

*

Jadyhe Harley, you discover, is a better kismesis than Rouxay could ever be.  
It doesn't even compare. 

The kind of blackrom you have going on with Harley is such a fine piece of romance that you should definitely write a book about it.  
Or an entire series of books.

It would be, of course, a series focused on the pros of quadrant vacillations and about how sometimes people are better in quadrants you would have never thought for them. 

*

Jadyhe Harley lets her black flirting escalate in a proper, out-and-out, Pitch Courtship. Complete with intricate death threats sent via Trollian and shamelessly inappropriate – but at the same time totally expected and appropriate – gifts in various states of bleeding. 

She has also tried, on multiple occasions, to hurt your Lusus.  
This is also appropriately inappropriate.  
Whalemom and Rouxay both fangirl very hard at the prospect of you sharing such a wholesome Kismessitude with Jadyhe Harley. 

~*~

Your name is Rhosae Lalond.  
You are fourteen sweeps.  
You are not yet an adult. 

“I don't believe I have invited you, Rosie,” Rouxay drawls, sprawled against the entrance door to her hive.  
She is tipsy, or maybe already plastered, you don't know, but you know it is time for you to stop this. 

It has been going on for far too long.  
You have let it go on for far too long. 

“Shoosh,” you whisper, caressing her face.  
As she breaks down crying, cerise tears all over her pale gray face, you think of all the time you've spent hating her for sending you away. 

And you think she is broken to the core, but that you will be able to glue her back together, because she has been the best moirail you could have asked for and now you're going to return the favor. 

Rouxay doesn't need to know that the real reason you're here in the first place, hugging her so tight as to take her breath away, is because you are falling apart too. 

*

The next time you see Jadyhe Harley, she is tall as a small hive. Her skin is pitch black as her hair, and her eyes are a bright shade of peridot green. 

You are fifteen sweeps. Your treacherous body has finally found hormonal maturity and you are, properly, an adult.

“Rhosae,” she greets you, and your name is still so sweet on her lips, even if her voice is deeper. 

“Harley,” you say, and you bow your head just a little.  
She places a hand on your shoulder and you know your cheeks are glowing with lavender, and your eyes are glossy with visions of the future. 

She doesn't, though. She could never know what goes on in your head, the things you are forced to see, to witness. 

~*~

tediouslyTyrannical [TT] began trolling  gorgeousGardener [GG] at 03:19

TT: Your last gift was completely over the line.  


TT: You have no reason to keep courting me, Harley. I have already agreed to let you be the bane of my existence.  


TT: And to be the bane of yours in return.  


TT: What do you want more than this? A ceremony of confirmation?  


TT: Please refrain from sending any other gift from now on.  


GG: i see that once again you fail to get the hint. told you, you are barely fake smart  


GG: and a nooksucker  


GG: and a huge ugly bitch  


GG: <3<

TT: No, don't get flirty with me now, idiot. And stop with the spades.  


GG: <3<

GG: <3<

GG: <3<

TT: Stop!  


GG: <3<

TT: TG was a much better kismesis than you. She, at the very least, had the decency to engage me in serious conversations, from time to time.  


TT: You, on the other hand, are too stupid for such a thing as a conversation.  


GG: uh-huh sure, Lalond… sure…  


GG: do you see me believeing you???? i am believing you so much right now!!! so much!!!  


GG: you wouldn't even believe how much i am believing you!!!  


GG: this is sarcasm, by the way, in case it was not clear to your fake smart brain!!!  


TT: Be serious, for once.  


TT: Stop sending me dead things.  


TT: If I see your Lusus with a bleeding body part in his mouth one more time, Harley, I swear to all I hold dear to my heart that you will find yourself with an empty black quadrant.  


TT: Did I make myself abundantly clear?  


GG: suuuuuuuuuuuure!  


GG: and i guess you will go back to being pitch for TG and then coming to me to ask for my diamond??  


GG: this seems like your m.o.  


GG: which stands for modus operandi  


GG: which means way of doing stuff, you know???  


TT: You're stupid.  


TT: And a titanic bitch.  


TT: “Titanic” means very fucking big.  


TT: Stop bothering me or we're done.  


GG: isn't bothering you the point of a kismessitude? you have a fucked up history of black-mates if you dont know this much!!!  


GG: or you are simply very dumb…  


TT: The point of a Kismessitude is hatred, not irritation. And I hate you very much already, Jadyhe. You don't need to keep proving to me you are worthy of hatred.  


TT: As long as you don't feel the need to, of course. It is very possible that you, as a lowly midblood, have the urge to keep proving to yourself, and also to me, that you're actually worthy of someone as cold-blooded as me.  


TT: Are you having self-esteem issues, Harley?  


TT: Do you need a moirail to talk about this to?  


GG: GOD, I HATE YOU!!!!!!!  


GG: i already have my moirail, thank you for nothing!!!!  


GG: AND STOP TRYING TO FILL UP ALL MY QUADRANTS!!!! >:|||  


TT: Shoosh, Harley, it will be okay.  


GG: Fuck you!!!!  


TT: Maybe later. 

tediouslyTyrannical [TT] ceased trolling  gorgeousGardener [GG] at 04:21

GG: maybe NEVER!!!!!!  


GG: !!!!!!!!  


GG: >:(  


GG: <3<

*

No one, and you mean no one on the entire planet, would ever have the backbone necessary to say that you are smart. 

Your name is Rhosae Lalond, you are an eight-sweep-old lavender blooded sea-dweller, and you're a titanic idiot.  
In which, titanic stands for _very fucking gigantic_.

gorgeousGardener [GG] began trolling  tediouslyTyrannical [TT] at 09:48

GG: you are completely deranged  


GG: i dont want to see you ever again  


GG: NOT EVER 

gorgeousGardener [GG] blocked  tediouslyTyrannical [TT]

It is possible that you are the worst troll to ever exist.  
In your defense – and it would be appropriate to keep in mind that not even you are going to stand up in your defense, as of right now – it was not a willing decision. 

You didn't actually want to harm Jadyhe's Lusus.  
It happened.  
It was not a premeditated – or willing – murder.  
You could swear it up and down. 

You were just a bit tired of all the bloody gifts. 

tediouslyTyrannical [TT] began trolling  gorgeousGardener [GG] at 10:03

TT: I am terribly sorry.  


TT: I am so, so sorry, Jadyhe.  


TT: I didn't kill him on purpose.  


TT: It is also true that you should have stopped sending him to my hive, as I had asked you to.  


TT: But  


TT: I am truly sorry. 

gorgeousGardener [GG] unblocked  tediouslyTyrannical [TT]

GG: if you contact me again, Lalond, i swear i will kill you with my own two hands!!

gorgeousGardener [GG] blocked  tediouslyTyrannical [TT]

~*~

You're both adults now.  
And you're both good fighters. 

“Surprise Strife!” she yells, launching herself – and her considerable body weight – against your still shorter figure. 

Her strifes are never really strifes, more like tickle attacks, and you're very happy to suffer trough fifteen minutes of having her large hands on your waist. 

“Come on, Commander Lalond!” she pokes at your tummy, her smile so big as to split her face in two, her teeth still too large for her mouth, still too pointy, still too white. “Put some effort in it! It's good training.” She is laughing, hard and barking, and you think of her Lusus, Dogdad, of how you murdered it. 

And guilt fills your mouth.  
You had been a child, then.  
Well, a teenager, more than a child.  
And teenagers are weird and they do wrong things all the time, and they get mad and act without thinking rationally. 

You know all this.  
You also know it had to go that way. 

“Rho,” Jadyhe murmurs, lifting herself off from your body, tilting her head a little to the side.  
You look up, stare into her eyes.  
One of her hands is on your hipbone, her hair is falling beside your face, tickling your neck, your gill. “Is everything okay? Should I ask Rouxay to come?” she asks, placing all her weight on her knees to free her other hand – the one that is not touching you – so she can rummage through her pockets. She takes out her palmhusk, but you stop her.

“No,” you whisper, caressing her cheek, cradling her face in your palm. “No, I don't need anyone else right now,” you say against her lips. 

She must know that you're flushed for her like no one else has ever been flushed for another.  
She must see it in the way you look at her. 

And maybe she's curious, or maybe she feels the same, because she pushes against you and aligns her lips to yours. 

It's the best kiss you've ever received.


End file.
